CAN YOU SPOT AN ABUSER??

[Michele Green]

I am a staunch advocate against domestic violence, and i urge EVERYONE, especially WOMEN and TEENS, to take a few minutes to ask themselves the questions stated below:

1. Does your husband or boyfriend act controlling, putting you down in front of other people?

2. Does he act extremely jealous of others who pay attention to you, especially men?

3. Does he control your finances and behavior, even with whom you socialize?

4. Does he act violently, losing his temper, striking or breaking objects?

5. Does he make you feel uncomfortable, uneasy or afraid by using certain gestures?

6. Does he tell you that you that you are 'nothing', and can't make it alone?

7. Does he grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?

8. Does he call or page you often during the day, or just show up to 'check on you'?

9. Does he blame you for how he feels or what he does?

10. Does he pressure you sexually for practices with which you are uncomfortable?

11. Does he make you feel like there 'is no way out' of the relationship?

12. Does he use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for hurting you?

IF YOUR ANSWER TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS IS "YES", DON'T FOOL YOURSELF -
YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!!

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!!!

**If you are in immediate danger, call 911!!**
*For confidential help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)*
OR
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
www.ndvh.org
OR
NATIONAL TEEN DATING ABUSE HELPLINE
1-866-331-9474
www.LoveIsRespect.org

Nationally, over 4.5 MILLION women and children, and 875,000 MEN (yes, MEN are abused too!) are abused annually, and almost 20% of those abused DIE at the hands of their abusers. This is NOT just a 'family matter' - it is a matter of LIFE AND DEATH - LITERALLY!!

I am not only a survivor of domestic abuse, but also a trained counselor. I worked in a domestic violence shelter for almost 4 years as in administration and as a case manager, so I know this issue from both a victim and victim advocate side. If you just wish to talk to someone, feel free to contact me here or by sending a message through my MySpace page at www.myspace.com.msblaqbuttafly. I am here and I CARE! If I can make it - SO CAN YOU!

Peace and Blessings,
Michele

[Heidi West]

Keep spreading the word, sis... it is so important to reach and teach!!!

[Michele Green]

Thank you so much for your support, Sister! We must reach and teach as many people as possible so we have a shot at breaking the cycle of abuse. Peace and Blessings all...

[Michele Green]

Hey Kral!

In actuality, in gay & lesbian circles, the statistics mirror heterosexual relationships, about 1 in 5 relationships have some form of abuse involved. Interestingly, where the abuse is female on male, the FEMALE is in the military or law enforcement and the male is NOT in the same profession 80% of the time.

Shelters, law enforcement agencies and human services agencies all keep some type of statistics in this manner.Abuse runs in families and is cyclical... children growing up in homes where there is abuse tend to either abuse or be abused when they grow up. Children learn what they live, and the ONLY way to break the cycle is simply STOP the behavior and our children's exposure to it... in other words, teach them more positive ways to channel their anger and/or aggression. That is the main goal of children's counseling in abusive situations.

Education and the prevention of the SECRECY in abuse is what I see as the key to prevention too. If more people knew what signs to look for, they can avoid potentially abusive situations & relationships. For example, women should BEWARE of men who try to get them involved in relationships too quickly - they want you to either marry them, have a baby or move in with them within the first few weeks or months of the relationship. They wanna spend every moment with you, calling 5, 6, 7, 8 times a day and sweep you off your feet until you fall for them - when you fall, they GOT YOU! Then they systematically - or abruptly - move you away from your family or friends, and frown upon you spending ANY time with anyone BUT HIM. He attacks your support system until you basically give them up on your own, or you fight with them - mainly about HIM, until you take HIS side and they walk away from you.

Listen... it TAKES TIME to build a friendship and a foundation to stand on. An abuser can only keep up the 'loving facade' for a short period of time, which is why they try to get you to commit within the first few weeks or months of a relationship.

NOTE: If it FEELS or LOOKS too good to be true... that is because IT IS too good to be true!

Take heed Ladies... the life you save could be your OWN!!

[Penelope Flynn]

Interestingly, I have a male friend who is currently suffering some of these issues in his relationship with his wife. What type of support should be offered to someone who is so unhappy but doesn't see their partner's actions as rising to the level of abuse because it doesn't involve physical injury?

[Michele Green]

Abuse takes many forms... physical is just ONE form, and actually the LEAST damaging if the victim survives the attack. Physical wounds heal... it is the emotional, mental, verbal, spiritual and sometimes financial abuse that is long-lasting or lifelong. Just because the man or woman doesn't suffer physical abuse, does NOT mean they are not abused!

Unfortunately, most shelters do not accept men (or male children over 14 years of age) because shelters are geared toward housing women with small children, and males over 14 usually exhibit strong adult male tendencies and are often adult size, so that tends to intimidate the women & children inhabiting the shelter. Women with male children over 14 have to make other arrangements to house these children. Knowing that men are abused as well as women, they may be referred to hotels, homeless shelters (that do not have age restrictions) and private homes where people have volunteered to take in male abuse victims. In any case, please encourage your friend to seek help ASAP. The abuse may NOT be physical now, but as time goes on it could escalate and that could be a very dangerous - and even deadly - as women who tend to physically abuse men attack them when they are most vulnerable, such as when they are sick or asleep.

Men often suffer abuse from women OTHER than physical, because in general men have much more physical strength than women. A women tends to abuse emotionally, verbally & mentally rather than physically, although that is not uncommon either. ANY victim, male or female, should be able to contact their local domestic violence agency to get help on leaving and dealing with abuse. If they do not know of one in their area, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to locate help nearest them.